Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Chapter IV – The Elf Strikes

"For XXXXXXXXXXXXXPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!"

Llona ducked under a vicious swing from the Orcs wickedly barbed sword, if she'd been a split second later Shyne would have been wearing a new make up called 'Hint of Brain'.
Dropping to a knee she thrust upward with the sword in her left hand and felt the blade deflect off the plate armour that protected the Orcs torso.  Out of the corner of her eye she could see Elvis gyrating his hips while shaking his maracas about the fruit hat that sat upon his head.  Inspired by the site and the words of his song she renewed her assault with vigour.

As Llona leapt forward to attack, Shyne took the opportunity to catch his breath and leaned heavily upon his great sword.  He could see Gimp hovering behind the Orc, darting in occasionally to distract it to allow his master and Llona to strike.  After a quick breath he cast an appreciative glance at Elvis, hefted his sword and charged back into the fray.  'With such inspiration how can we possibly lose'! He thought to himself.

"You ask yo Momma 'Please?' but she still says 'NO!'" Elvis sang loudly.

Oblivious to what was happening inside the corridor, Slobba reached inside his tunic and grabbed for the ornate hammer that dangled upon a chain about his neck.  As the undead continued to shuffle towards him he raised the Holy Symbol of his God above his head and bellowed "BY MIGHTY THOR BEGONE VILE SPAWN OF THE UNDERWORLD!  ....eerrrrrr please?!"
A hot bright light burst from the hammer and enveloped the creatures before him, instantly vaporising the 3 skeletons.  The zombies recoiled from the power of his God and attempted to flee from the light.  One passed within Slobba's reach as it attempted to make for the nearest exit.  Slobba quickly released his Holy Symbol, swept up his battle hammer and brought it down onto the right shoulder of the zombie causing it to fall to its knees.  As it struggled to its feet Slobba noticed that its nose was upside down.
'What the fu.....arrrghh!" he screamed as the zombies claws racked a bloody trail across his face.


With the blood seeping into his left eye partially obscuring his vision, Slobba cast his shield aside and swung his war hammer with both hands, bringing it down upon the zombies head with a sickening sound.  It collapsed to the floor and remained still.

"Now your Mom threw away your best Play Dwarf Mag!" sang Elvis in the midst of a lambada like dance routine.

Back inside the corridor Llona motioned for Shyne to move to his right while she circled warily to her left.  The Orc's hate filled eyes darted from side to side as it assessed its options, before it unexpectedly stepped back a pace and started to wave its fingers in front of it and began to chant. 
'Spell! Shouted Shyne in alarm.
Llona leapt at the Orc and buried the first of her blades into its right armpit and the second into the inside of its left thigh.  With blood bursting from its mouth the Orc slowly sank to its knees and with a baleful look at Llona it spat "I. Am your father" then died.
thought Reggie to himself with a chuckle.
‘Well that explains the nose’
"Really?" asked Shyne uncertainly.
"Oh pu-leese" replied Llona with a snort as she cleaned her blades on the corpse.

"Aw Mom you're just jealous, it's Elvis and his boys!" sang a panting Elvis as he sank to one knee his arms outstretched. "Thank you very much".

Apologies to the Beastie Boys for butchering their all time classic ‘You’ve got to fight for your right to party’.

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