Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Chapter XXVI - You And Me Llona Aint Nothin' But Mammals

Reginald Arthur Wesley-Smyth the 3rd sat perched on top of a cupboard in the corner of the Elves room in the Inn; secure in the knowledge that since he was invisible there was no way that Llona could know he was there.  He knew that Shyne could detect him through their bond, but he was certain that the Wizard had been too distracted to do so. 
Reggie liked to think that he was an Imp of the multi-verse, but nothing he had seen in his 347 years of life had prepared him for what he had just witnessed. 


It had all started just over two hours before when he was sleeping peacefully on the top of the cupboard.  He’d been in the middle of a wonderful dream about the time he’d set fire to a hospital in Candlelight City, when the door had burst open and the Elves had tumbled inside. 
At first he was sure that they were locked into a battle to the death; their arms were wrapped tightly about each other as they rolled across the floor.  They also appeared to be trying to bite each other’s lips off.  Then Llona had managed to break the hold of his master and stand up, before walking over to the door and slamming it shut.  She’d then turned to face him and had started to take off her clothes (although why humanoids wore clothing at all was still beyond him.  Probably just for decorative purposes only he’d thought to himself at the time).
If Reggie was one thing he was a boob Imp (his wife had 4 of them), so when Llona had finally removed her undershirt it was all he could do to stop himself gasping out loud.  Sure they were the boobs of a stinking Elf but, by the Arch-Devil Asmodeus’ pointy tail, they were truly magnificent.  Now he finally understood what his master saw in Llona (aside from himself of course). 


He still wasn’t entirely sure what was going on at that point, but it soon became very obvious when his master also began to disrobe. 
Over the next two hours the Imp had been forced to watch the two mate with each other or, in Shynes case, with himself for a brief time while Llona was undressing. 
He had desperately wanted to flee the room but was afraid that his master would detect his presence if he tried to.  At least that was what he had told himself as he had munched on a dried orcs heart and settled in to watch the show. 
Now that their coupling had finally ended Llona rose from the bed and, much to Reggie’s disappointment, began to dress herself.  After she was fully clothed she leaned over Shyne and once again attempted to bite his lips, before whispering something to him that Reggie couldn’t hear.  As she stood up and started to buckle on her sword belt Shyne attempted to pull her back onto the bed, but she nimbly danced away from his clutching hands.  She then casually walked over to the door before turning towards the naked wizard, blew him a kiss then silently slipped out the door.
Shyne collapsed back onto the bed, one arm draped across his face to shield his eyes from the bright moon light that was filtering through the shutters. 


Suddenly, without preamble he said “You can come down now.”
Reggie sat bolt upright on top of the cupboard.
“Master?” he said softly.
“I said you can come down now” replied the Elf warily.
Reggie dismissed his invisibility spell then dropped off the cupboard and glided across the room before landing on the foot of the bed.
Shyne propped himself up onto an elbow and looked at his devilish familiar.
“I should whip you for being a pervert but I don’t have the energy” he said with a yawn.
“I didn’t see anything Master” replied the Imp in a surprisingly humbled voice.
“Yes” said Shyne “you did.  I could sense your presence through the bond.”
“Well perhaps I did witness some of it Master” said Reggie.
“Gimp…” said the Wizard in a threatening tone.
“Well perhaps I saw most….err all of it” came the little devils response.
“The next time this happens, and I pray to all the Gods in all the heavens in all the universe that it does” said Shyne fervently “make yourself scarce.”
“I will Master” replied the Imp.
“Good.  Now go away and let me sleep, I’m exhausted” said the Wizard as he stretched out onto the bed.
“Before I go Master, I have a few questions if I may?” asked the Imp as he shifted nervously from foot to foot, tearing small holes in the sheets with his claws in the process.
“Go ahead” sighed Shyne irritably.
“I could not fail to hear you and your…….companion, talking at the start of your mating” he said before pausing to wait for permission to continue.
“And….” prompted the Wizard.
“I distinctly heard Llona demand ‘Four play’.  Why is it called ‘Four play’ when there were only two of you?”
“You know I have no idea” said Shyne thoughtfully “to be honest I’d never really thought of it before.”
“Another question if I may Master?” asked the Imp.
“If you must” replied with Wizard through another yawn.
“What were the little blue pills that she was force feeding you every few minutes?”
“Elfagra” replied Shyne “they are for….never mind” he finished quickly.  “Anything else?”
“Just two more questions if I may?”
Shyne nodded his ascent.
“Thank you.  I didn’t understand the yodeling and the chest beating. Was that also part of ‘Foreplay’?”
“I don’t know why she did that” replied Shyne “I thought it was a little odd myself actually.”
“And the crying at the end?”
“What can I say?"  said the Wizard with a shrug of his shoulders "I’m an emotional Elf.  Now it’s time for bed.  I expect Llona to be back in a few hours, when she returns go somewhere else.”
“Gladly Master” replied the Imp. 
And he meant it.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Chapter XXV – The Seeds of Downfall

Larencia City, 2 Years Ago


The room was luxurious in every sense.  A deep plush crimson carpet imported from the mainland lined its floor.  A large tapestry hung upon one wall, depicting the Legion’s stand at the castle of Dirk the Daring during the Undead War.  The artist had obviously been one of considerable skill, as the savagery of the battle had been captured in intricate detail. Sunlight filtering through a partially opened large heavy green curtain across the surface of the tapestry, creating the illusion that the figures were moving, forever playing out the final battle.  A floor to ceiling bookshelf adorned half the opposite wall, denoting the owner of the room to be a scholarly type.  Works on many different subjects sat upon its shelves, although most were historical texts originating from countries around the world.  The opening in the curtain also revealed a door leading to a balcony from where the room’s occupant could look out over the city below and on a clear day could even see ships on their approach to the city.  Nestled in the corner of the walls containing the tapestry and the curtain was a large fireplace, the warmth of which was sufficient enough to heat the room during even the most severe of Larencian winters. 
The centre of the room was occupied by a large desk, upon which was scattered a number of maps and documents, a decanter of wine, two glass goblets and a platter containing an assortment of meats, pastries and cheeses.  One man sat at the desk, his chin resting upon steepled fingers, a look of concentration upon his face, while another man paced back and forth behind him.
“The war went hard for us Serath” said Jeran, First Prince of Larencia, glancing over his left shoulder at the seated man on the other side of the desk “We were nearly destroyed.  If the Theocracy hadn’t changed sides at the last and attacked the Caldarians all would have been lost.”  Jeran stopped his pacing, picked up the decanter from the table and poured himself a goblet of wine.  He turned and offered Serath a re-fill but was politely declined by his youngest brother.  Replacing the decanter on the table, Jeran returned to his seat and took a long draught from the goblet before setting it alongside the decanter.  After pausing to gather his thoughts he continued.  “It has been a year since the end of the war and we have still not recovered.  The provincial armies have been re-enforced back to full strength but the Kings Legions are still under manned.”
“Losses were that bad?” interrupted Serath as he leaned forward and selected a slice of Halflington cheese from the platter in front of him.  Clearing his throat Jeran nodded then continued.
“The Legion Cavalry suffered heavy casualties as did the Mammoth Hudah.  Losses among the infantry were approximately four in ten.  It’s not the numbers that concern us, but the quality of the soldiers.  A lot of experienced men were killed and they will be hard to replace. Rex is of the opinion that it will take another one to two years for the Legion to attain its pre-war fighting strength.” 
Serath sat back into his richly upholstered chair and digested the news that his brother had given him.  With three neighboring countries considered enemies, the Larencian military had its hands full keeping the borders secured at the best of times, let alone when they were under strength.  Undoubtedly the settlers on the frontier were doing it hard. 
“The last thing we need right now is to have a break down in relations between Larencia and Lors.  The treaties must be maintained at all costs,” emphasised the First Prince as he pounded his fist into the palm of his hand.  “If our enemies suspect for a minute that our alliance with Lors is suspect, they will take advantage of our perceived weakness and strike.”  Jeran picked up his goblet, drained the wine that it contained then set it back onto the table.  Serath looked into the face of the second most powerful man in Larencia and grew concerned at what he saw.  The strain of the past six months had clearly taken its toll.  At only thirty-one years of age, Jeran looked a man in his early forties.  His light brown hair had turned gray at the temples and deep lines furrowed his brow.  Never a powerfully built man, he had lost weight since the wars end and the green and white robes of office that marked him as the First Prince hung limply upon his gaunt frame.  Jeran had always been a vain man and it spoke volumes about the pressure that he was under that his appearance had slipped so.  With the King having moved his court to Candlelight, the task of rebuilding the shattered Larencian countryside had fallen to the First Prince; a task with which he was obviously finding difficult to cope.


“You know that the child Bess carries is not mine,” said Serath as he shifted nervously in his chair.
Jeran bowed his head, his words barely audible above the crackling fire.  “I know”.   An uncomfortable moment of silence passed between the two brothers before Jeran spoke again.  “Have you determined who the father is?”
“No”, replied Serath evenly.  “I’ve had spies working hard to find out but they have so far learned nothing.  The Queen is a subtle and cunning woman and was able to keep this affair a secret.  If the Earth Mother wills it I will eventually discover who it was and deal with him accordingly.  In the meantime what would father have me do?”
The First Prince leaned forward in his chair and looked earnestly into his youngest brother’s eyes before speaking.
“Our Father and The Queen Mother of Lors arranged this marriage to bind our two countries closer together.   Instead, I fear they are drifting further apart.  Family honor has been tainted, but what is our honor worth if our people lie dead in their fields?  You must acknowledge the child as your own”.  Jeran rubbed his eyes with his ink stained hands.  Once again Serath was struck by how exhausted he looked.  “The alliance must be maintained at all costs.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Serath replied, the anger evident in his voice as he picked up the decanter and poured himself a drink.  “Lors itself cannot afford a war at this time either.  Why this woman would allow such a thing to happen I do not know!”  In a rare lack of self-control, Serath hurled the decanter across the room, where it smashed into a hundred pieces against the bookcase, soaking a number of volumes with wine.  Jeran’s head came up sharply and he bit back a rebuke.  The door to the Princes inner chamber flew open as the two Legion Guardsmen stationed outside rushed into the room with swords drawn, their eyes assessing the room for danger.  Jeran waved them away then turned back to his brother, noticing that the look of outrage that had been there an instant before had been replaced by the blank unemotional mask that was Seraths trademark.
The First Prince climbed to his feet and pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket before moving toward the bookcase.  He commenced to mop up the wine that was already staining the pages of the books that it covered.


“I see that she has upset you brother,” he said sympathetically without turning from the task at hand.
Serath once again sat back into his chair before speaking, his voice tinged with embarrassment “I apologise for my outburst Jeran, it was…unnecessary”.
Having done his best to clean up the mess, Jeran removed the five books that had been damaged and carried them to the door, balancing the books in his right arm; he turned the doorknob with his left and opened the door.  Outside, both guards came rigidly to attention, their eyes remaining locked upon the wall in front of them.
“Roland”, said Jeran as he addressed the soldier on the left-hand side of the door. 
“My Prince”, replied Roland, his right arm coming up smartly in salute, the fist thumping into his chest just above his heart.
“Take these books down to Brother Anthony the Librarian and ask him to repair them as best he can”, said the First Prince as he handed Roland the books.
“Yes my Prince” answered Roland transferring the books to his left arm then saluting again.  Without waiting to see Roland carry out his command, Jeran turned and re-entered the room, closing the door behind him.
The First Prince walked across the room and sat back down in his chair, all the while rubbing his wine soaked hands upon his purple cloak. “Serry” started Jeran, using the name that the family called Serath as a child.  “I do not envy you your life as it is right now. The insult is grave indeed, but for the good of the realm you must accept the child as your own”.
Abruptly Serath rose from his chair, turned his back on his eldest brother and made his way over to the curtain that partially obscured the door leading to the balcony.  Pulling the heavy curtain to one side he opened the door and looked out onto the city below, immediately feeling the chill of the cold sea breeze as it invaded the warm sanctuary that was Jeran's study.  He heard his brother gasp at the sudden influx of cold air and could feel Jeran's eyes upon his broad back.  Outside, the city was going about its business as it had done for the last three hundred years.  Merchants were selling their wares, their cries attempting to entice customers to purchase their goods.  Covered wagons rolled down the paved roads and on to their destinations, while people scurried alongside them intent on their own business. 


Seraths eyes scanned the city below passing over familiar landmarks; the Legion barracks by the main gate, the market place near the residential sector and the Fountain of Good Fortune, just to name a few.
Eventually his questing eyes found what they were searching for as they came upon Gaia’s Grove, the Shrine of the Earth Mother.  Uncharacteristically, a smile appeared on his face as the memory came back to him of the time he had pushed his twin brother Alexander into the Glade of Contemplation.  Angry the Druid had been brutal in his punishment for the lack of respect he had shown the Earth Mother, and he had spanked Serath without mercy.  The young Prince had been proud even as a child, and had not cried out during the beating.  He had considered the cold dunking and the look of outrage on his brother’s face well worth the punishment he had received for his crime.  How he longed to once again walk bare foot on grass as he had as a child, the cares of the realm unimportant to a ten-year-old.  The smile faded from his face.  ‘Time to set the cat amongst the pigeons’ he thought to himself as he turned to his brother and spoke.
“I intended to accept the child as my own whether Father approved or not.”
Mixed emotions appeared on Jeran's face.  Relief that Serath intended to do the King’s bidding and concern that Serath had intended to go against their father’s wishes if the King had chosen a different course of action.  The years he had spent with Angry the Druid and as Consort to the Queen had obviously changed him.  Indeed, he was his own man with his own agendas.
“I’m glad my brother” said Jeran, a smile breaking out on his exhausted face “Now, tell me of your daughter, how is little Bess?”

Authors Note: Just to explain something here, Bess is the hereditary name of the Queen of Lors.  Serath is the consort to Bess the XV and father to Bess the XVI.  Just to confuse things more I was thinking of naming his horse Bess but decided against it at the last minute.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Chapter XXIV - What's In A Name?


Two hours later the group was seated around a table at the Dancing Halfling, a tavern just inside the Eastern gate of the city.  It was early evening and the tap room was full of clientele that had just finished a hard day’s work.  It was clearly a working man’s tavern as most of the patrons were labourers or craftsmen, each of them content to sit with their friends and discuss the day’s activities. 
Alyse’s stomach growled as she smelled the roasting meat that was being prepared in the kitchen out the back.  They had ordered their meals and she inwardly cursed the staff for how long it was taking for it to be prepared and delivered.  The past few days had been hard on them all, and they could do with a decent meal after having to make do with the trail rations that they’d had with them.
Unconsciously she lowered her right hand to ruffle Nancy’s fur, only to stop it half way when she realised that the wolf would not be there.  The Ranger quickly blinked back the tears that formed in her eyes as she picked up the mug of ale that lay on the table before her.  Once she’d rested for a day or two she decided that she would venture out into the forest and bond another companion, most probably another wolf.  It would be good to get out of the city; where some saw vibrant colours and a cosmopolitan culture, she saw the bleakness of stone and the over powering smell of too many people living to close to each other. 
Across the other side of the room an Elven Bard took to the stage and began to pluck at his Lyre.  After ensuring that his instrument was properly tuned he started to sing a tune that Alyse did not recognise.  The words were in his native tongue so she did not know what he was singing, but the melody was soothing and suited her present state of mind so she settled back into her chair to enjoy it. When the last notes of the song made their way into the night air the people in the room began to applaud the Bards performance, although Alyse could have sworn that she heard someone mutter ‘Fucking amateur’ under their breath, but she couldn’t be certain.


As the Elf began another song two bar wrench’s arrived with their orders and began to place them on the table.  Her plate had barely been set in front of her before Alyse tucked into it with gusto, and she was pleasantly surprised at how good it was.  The lamb was slightly over cooked but the vegetables that rounded out the stew were fresh and tasty.  After she’d eaten the larger parts of the meal she used her dagger to hack a slice of bread off the loaf that was in the centre of the table, and then sopped up the gravy with it until her plate was clean.  To her left she saw Grumpy licking his plate clean before he bellowed for a bar wench to bring him another serving.  The Ranger then took a long draught from her mug of ale and once again sat back to enjoy the music. 
After they had finished their meal Llona and Shyne bid their friends good night, although they pointedly ignored Elvis, then retired upstairs.  It had come as no shock that they had chosen to share a room at the Inn and, by the hungry look on Shynes face, they wanted to make the most of it.
Despite himself, Elvis was drumming his fingers on the table in time to the music that the Bard was playing as he watched the two Elves disappear up the stair case.  He shook his head in disgust at the thought of what they were about to do, causing the hat atop his head to cover the haircut that they had given him to wobble and nearly fall off.  Ever conscious of his image he’d also used some of their actor’s makeup to draw on some eyebrows although, if the truth be known, all it did was make him look like one of the ladyboys that could be found in some of Candlelight Cities more expensive brothels.
Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the door to the Inn open and two humans, a male and a female, walk inside.  Elvis knew immediately that they were from Lors.  
The man was dressed in a long blue sleeveless pull over tunic with a brown belt containing a longsword in a scabbard around his waist.  Underneath his tunic he wore a chain mail shirt that ended mid way down his upper arms.  He was clad in baggy green and white striped trousers that were tucked into dark brown boots that ended half way up his lower leg.  Long golden hair hung wildly down his back while a neatly trimmed beard framed his tanned face and piercing blue eyes. 

The woman wore tight fitting black leather travelling pants and a hardened black leather vest.  She also wore knee length black riding boots and protective greaves on her arms, as well as a black hooded cloak.  A thin circlet of metal sat atop her brow surrounded by flowing long blonde hair.  
The tattoos on her arms and face clearly identified the woman as a member of the Lorsian nobility.  Many of that countries Northern aristocracy had recently began to wear ancient tribal tattoos.  Some said that they did it to keep alive the old ways, while others said that it was to curry favour with the Southern Lords that had long preached that their Northern kin had grown too civilised and soft. 


Elvis heard Slobba push his chair back as he stood up and began to walk towards his two countrymen.  The Bard quickly stood up and, with drink in hand, hurried to catch up to his friend.
As the big Lorsian Cleric strode towards them, the man caught glimpse of him and, with this hand resting lightly on the hilt of his sword, took a step forward to stand beside the woman.
Slobba halted in front of them then offered his right hand in greeting and introduced himself.
“Slobbadon Mikokubich.”
“Lady Carmen Agnetha Elizabeth Memouff” replied the woman with a smile as she took his outstretched hand.  Standing behind the Cleric, Elvis started to choke on the mouthful of ale that he’d just drank from his mug.
Ignoring his friends discomfort Slobba turned to the man and offered his hand once again.
“And you are?” he asked politely.
“Yorick Augustus Hunt” game the gruff reply as the blonde man shook his hand in a vice like grip.
Slobba ignored the sound of Elvis spitting another mouthful of ale onto the floor behind him.
“What’s wrong with him?” asked Carmen with a raised eyebrow.
“Where do you want me to start?” said Slobba with a grin.

Authors Note:  For those that are interested this post takes my total word count to just over 30,000.  I honestly never thought that I'd get this far.  To celebrate I decided to go back and re-write Chapter I - In The Deep End.  It is much better than the original post.  Check it out if you get the chance.

As long as you keep reading I'll keep writing.


Prux

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Little Competition Winner

The competition has been won.  For those that didn't get the answer it was Nag, Nag, Nag. 

Yes, I will be sleeping in the spare room for the next few nights.

Rick was the lucky winner and the two of us have already come up with a cameo for him.  Those that know Rick should recognise the storyline.  For those that don't I'll make sure I explain it in an Authors Note.

As long as you keep reading I'll keep writing.

Prux

Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Little Competition

I recently updated the cast page with an avatar for my wife Taryn, the Dungeon Master for this adventure.  The first person that e-mails me at russandtaryn@bigpond.com and tells me what the picture is referencing, will win something unique.  I will give them the opportunity to be included as a walk on character in the story.  Of course we'll have to work out a minor sub-plot that fits, which may take a little while. 

I will reserve the right to have the final say on the characters make up and role in the story.  Remember, if I can get a cheap laugh out of the character I will do so, so if you are a little precious and don't like to be made fun of don't try to win.

It's really not a very difficult puzzle (it's pretty childish actually but is quite accurate none-the-less) so it shouldn't take long for it to be solved (that's if anyone can be bothered too of course).

As long as you keep reading I'll keep writing.

Prux

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Chapter XXIII - Payback's A Bitch


“It was totally uncalled for” Elvis said in a whiny voice.
“Rubbish” replied Slobba as the two of them stood beside the entrance to the trap door that they had used to finally exit the tunnel they had found underneath the obelisk. “It was nothing more than you deserved.”
“But I didn’t DO anything!” complained the Bard.
“You called Shyne a fat prick”
“So?” came the reply.
The two friends stood inside what was obviously a warehouse.  Large sacks of grain were stacked on top of each other reaching up to the exposed beams that supported the building’s roof.  The light from Slobba’s lantern illuminated scores of rats that scurried around the floor, each one fat from the food that was so readily available to them.  In his right hand he held the magical heavy mace that he had found in the chest in what had been the slain Minotaur’s room.



“You also had the audacity to call Llona a Crack Whore” he said wearily.
“As I said at the time I was using reverse psychology and you must admit that it worked, my songs made them angry and they fought harder.”
“Well I certainly can’t argue with that” replied the big Lorsian “unfortunately for you their rage didn’t die with their enemies.”
“But they went too far!” wailed the Bard.
Slobba turned to look at Elvis as he stood forlornly beside the open trap door.  Shyne had been angry with the song that had been sung about him and he had gotten his revenge by casting a spell that had turned the Bards face a bright shade of blue. 
But that had not been the worst of it.
If Shyne had been angry then Llona had been downright livid.  While Elvis was paralysed she had used her short sword to first, cut off his eyebrows, then second, most of the hair on his head.  Her anger had gotten the better of her while she had wielded her blade and she had nicked his skin on numerous occasions, as was evident by the little white squares of paper that dotted his otherwise blue head. 
‘I’m amazed that she didn’t take off one of his ears or poke out one of his eyes’ the Cleric of Thor thought to himself.
Slobba knew that the spell would only last for a few hours and that the hair would grow back eventually, but the now comically disfigured Bard was a vain man and it was a cruel punishment indeed.
Suddenly, the big Lorsian began to chuckle.  To his credit he tried to stifle it but, despite his best efforts, he was soon laughing harder than he had ever laughed before. 
As he did so the tension that had built up on him over the past few days seemed to fade away.  Slobba and his companions had fought a number of deadly foes and they were truly lucky to have survived their ordeal without any of them being killed.  Surely Mighty Thor had been watching over them.
As he collapsed to the floor and leant up against a bag of grain to regain his composure, he heard movement on the ladder and it was not long before first Shyne, then Grumpy, climbed out of the trap door carrying some of the loot that they had found after they’d killed the last of their enemies.
“Has bluebeard stopped sulking yet?” asked the Dwarf gruffly as he dropped his pack to the floor and pulled his water skin off his belt before taking a long drink from it.
“Bugger off” snapped Elvis bitterly.
“I think he looks great” said Shyne with an evil grin on his face as Alyse and Llona both climbed up through the trap door to join their companions.
“Why so blue Elvis?” asked Alyse in an innocent tone.
“Oh don’t you start” muttered the Bard.
“All right that’s enough” said Slobba just as Llona opened her mouth to add to Elvis’ torment.  “Llona why don’t you find us a way out of this warehouse, the rest of you can take a few minutes rest.”
The female Elf nodded her head, threw a look of contempt at the Bard, and then headed off silently into the darkness.  The remainder of the party took the opportunity to make themselves comfortable while they waited for her to return.
After a few minutes passed Slobba turned to Alyse and said.
“So what was all that about then?”
“What was all what about?” she replied with a raised eyebrow before taking a bite of some jerky that she had pulled out of her rations.
“You know, the whole obelisk and Ministry of Winds thing.”
“I have no idea” she said between mouthfuls.
“Shyne?” said Slobba.
“Not a clue.”
“Grumpy?”
“Ministry of Winds?  Never heard of it” replied the Dwarf as he hurled a dagger at a large rat that was hiding between two bags of grain, missing it by a good two inches.
“Elvis?”
“Fuck off” came the sullen response.
“I guess we’ll never know” said Slobba with a thoughtful expression on his face.


Authors Note:  In game terms this was the end of the adventure known as the Ministry of Winds.  Even though it didn’t exactly end as described above, it should be noted that none of us players really did know what it was all about.  We had no idea why we were there or what the Ministry of Winds was trying to do (aside from it probably being something bad).  This was most probably due to one of two things. 
Firstly, we are a very social group and we don’t take the game too seriously.  Unfortunately this means that quite often we are chatting amongst ourselves and we miss clues and vital bits of the plot. 

Secondly, we aren’t really the sharpest tools in the shed. 

Personally, I think it was more of the latter.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Chapter XXII – Elves Don't Have A Sense Of Humour


Elvis recoiled in horror as he saw Grumpy thrust his sock up into the throat of the Minotaur.
‘What a way to die’ he thought to himself in disgust as he finished his song.
Just in front of him Shyne, Llona and Slobba had surrounded the last of the soldiers and it was only a matter of time before they killed him. 
Alyse sent an arrow into the one of the two remaining scarred wizards and an instant later it vanished, leaving only the real one standing in terror as Grumpy hurtled across the room with the Minotaur’s axe gripped in his hands.
The Bard knew that the battle was all but over, but being the team player that he was he decided to launch into one last song to raise his friend’s spirits.  Just as he opened his mouth to sing he felt a tingling sensation over his body and suddenly he couldn’t move.  Elvis strained against whatever invisible force had bound him but to no avail; he was, in essence, totally paralysed where he stood.  Terror gripped him as he imagined whoever, or whatever, had caused this to be stalking towards him with a dagger in its hand.  One casual flick of his wrist and the Bard would have his throat opened from ear to ear.  Mustering all the energy he possessed he attempted to scream but was unable to do so.
He watched in relief as Llona downed the last of the soldiers, before she turned towards him with murder written all over her face.  In the blink of an eye her right hand came up and she launched a short sword straight at the bard.  Elvis shrieked silently as the tumbling blade flew past his ear, lopping off a lock of his hair as it did so.  Behind him he heard a grunt of pain then the sound of a body hitting the floor.
‘She wasn’t trying to kill me, she was trying to save me!’ he thought to himself exultantly as she strode across the room to stand before him, with her remaining short sword leaping from her left to her right hand. 
It was then that he noticed the look of rage on the Elf’s face.
“CRACK WHORE! YOU DARE TO CALL ME A CRACK WHORE!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs as the blade descended towards his right eye.
It was at that point that the Bard was glad that he was paralysed, for if he wasn’t he surely would have shit himself.