Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Chapter XII - When You're A Bard, It Takes Three To Tango


"What happened to my backpack with the rope tied to it?" asked Alyse after she'd entered the room.
"I do not know, one second it was here and the next it was gonesaid Reggie as he popped into view just above the hole in the floor.
“Perhaps the weight of the rope pulled the backpack through the hole” suggested Llona as she began to gather up the equipment she’d discarded.
“Probably” agreed Alyse “Gimp can you fly down and bring the rope back up for me please?”
‘Please? None of these buffoons has ever said please to me before’ Reggie thought.
Of course I can Miss, I shall return immediately" said the Imp before he dove through the hole in the floor.
“Grumpy, go and get the table and drag it over to the door” said Shyne “we’ll tie the rope to it so that no one has to stay up here and hold it.  Once we’re down I’ll get Gimp to untie the rope and drop it through the hole”.
“Good idea” said Grumpy before he disappeared through the door to get the table.
A few seconds later Gimp flew through the hole with one end of the rope in his hands which he gave to Alyse.
“Your backpack is indeed on the floor below miss” he said before opening his mouth in an horrendous smile revealing two rows of sharpened teeth pointing in different directions.
“Thank you Gimp” replied Alyse as she walked over to the door that the table was now wedged against.  She passed the rope through to Grumpy and he looped it back under the table so that she could tie a knot in it.  
“All done” said Alyse after she gave the knot one last tug to ensure that it was secured correctly.
“I’ll go first” volunteered Llona before she grabbed the rope and lithely began to make the descent.
“NEXT!” she shouted after she had reached the bottom.
“I’ll go” said Grumpy as he moved over to the hole.  Before he grabbed the rope he spat into his hands, rubbed the palms together, then he picked up the rope and began to steadily lower himself downwards.  
A few minutes later all of the group had re-assembled on the ground floor of the tower and were discussing what had happened with Elvis and Slobba.
“Do you have any healing spells left Slobba?” asked Llona as she massaged her wounded side.
“Yes three” replied the Cleric.
“Only three?” said Shyne in a surprised tone.
“Yes” Slobba replied “just the three”.
“Well can you cast one on my wound?” asked Llona.
“Of course I can” said Slobba as he moved over to her and began to cast a healing spell.
After the spell had taken affect and the wound in her side had closed over, Llona leaned close to Slobba and said.
“What happened to your nose?  I could have sworn that it used to point to the right.”
“You must be mistaken” replied Slobba with a smile.
“Yes” said Llona warily “I must be.”
“How are we going to get out?” asked Grumpy.
“Llona go and see if you can open the door while the rest of us look for another way out of here” said Elvis before he moved over to one of the walls and began searching it for a concealed door.
As her friends started their search Llona strode over to the door and began to examine its locking mechanism.  After a few frustrated minutes of searching for a way to open it she shrugged her shoulders and conceded defeat.  
Just as she was about to turn away from the door she felt a presence behind her and she turned to see who it was.  Standing a few feet away was Elvis, resplendent in his white sequined jump suit and with a winning smile splayed across his face.
“After we get out of here you and I are going to have a meal at the most expensive Tavern in the city, then I’m going to introduce you to little Elvis” he said in his smooth velvety voice.
“I beg your pardon?” said Llona with a puzzled look on her face.
“I said you and I are going to get together and make a hunka hunka burnin’ love” replied Elvis as he gyrated his hips.
“You must be joking” snorted Llona in disgust.
“Joking?  Hardly” he said before he took a step closer and whispered.
“I never joke when it comes to women”.
“You ARE a joke when it comes to women” snapped Llona.  “I cannot deny that you are not handsome, even for a human, but you certainly are not what I am attracted to now or ever will be in the future.  My interests lay in another direction” she concluded with a nod towards Shyne who was talking with Grumpy and Alyse by the north wall.
Elvis blinked in surprise while his mouth formed words without making a sound.  After a few failed attempts to find his voice he finally spoke.
“You’re attracted to the Dwarf?” he said in a shocked tone “Not even Dwarves are attracted to Dwarves!  The only way they are able to procreate is to get too drunk to know who, or what, they’re doing it with” said Elvis in disgust.  “What would you call the offspring that you would produce, a Dwelf?  My stomach churns at the thought of it.”
“Not the Dwarf you idiot!” said Llona in an exasperated tone.
“Thank the Living God” said Elvis in relief. “Oh I get it, you’re attracted to Alyse.  Can’t say that I blame you really, she was next on my list if you knocked me back.  Come to think of it, maybe the three of us could....”
“Oh by Chanel the Goddess of Perfume would you shut up!” Llona whispered urgently “I am NOT attracted to Alyse!”
Elvis gave her a blank look before realisation slowly dawned on him.
“Shyne?!”  Said Elvis incredulously. “You can’t be serious!  Are you sure that he even likes women?!”
Elvis never saw Llona draw the knife; the first he knew it was there was when he felt it pierce the skin of his throat just above his Adams apple.
“Hold your tongue” hissed Llona as a trickle of blood began to run down Elvis' throat and onto his jump suit. 
“Now this is how things are going to play out" she said menacingly.  "We are going to go back to the others and pretend that this conversation never took place, understand?  No don’t nod, this knife is very sharp.  Just blink once if you agree.”
Elvis blinked.
“Good. Now clean yourself up” said Llona as she put the knife away before pushing past the speechless Bard and walking back towards the centre of the room.
‘Must be the wrong time of the month’ Elvis said to himself before turning to follow her.

As Llona strode away from the Bard she heard Slobba call out “I’ve found something!” from the middle of the room and she hurried over to see what he had discovered.
Slobba was on his knees brushing dirt away from a section of the floor until the outline of a trap door could clearly be seen.
"Look out" she said as she knelt beside Slobba and began to examine the door for traps.  After a quick search she gave the all clear and stepped back to allow Grumpy to pull it open by the handle that was at the base of the door.  All around her friends drew their weapons to cover Grumpy in case something attacked him when he opened the trap door.  The Dwarf grasped the handle, gritted his teeth then squatted on the ground before bolting upright in one fluid motion to wrench the door open.  A gust of putrid stale air billowed out of the hole and engulfed all those standing around it, causing them to cough uncontrollably from the dust and the stench.
"What in the name of the sacred Earth Mother could make such a smell?" asked Alyse as she struggled to regain her composure.
"I've smelled worse" said Grumpy in a matter of fact tone.
"Your mothers cooking perhaps?" quipped Elvis as he wiped the tears from his eyes that were caused by the rancid odour.
Grumpy ignored the Bard and peered into the darkness below.  Like all Dwarves he had the natural ability to see in the dark and he saw that the 5 foot wide stairway lead approximately 20 feet downwards to the room below. 
"Let's see what's causing this smell shall we?" he said as he hefted his axe and began to descend the stairs.

Authors Note: One of my readers suggested that I change Reggies font so that it easier to differentiate him from the other characters when he was speaking, which I have subsequently done.  

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