Chapter XV - Perfection Takes A Lot Of Work

Grumpy held Shyne’s torso off the ground while Slobba gently removed the robes that he was wearing.  Even though he was unconscious the pain must have been great as, despite the care that they took, he still whimpered in agony.  They then repeated the process to remove both his chain mail shirt and the padding underneath.  
Once all of the clothing had been removed Slobba bent down to examine the wounds that Shyne had sustained during the battle.  He had severe bruising to his chest and a broken right collar bone which were not life threatening.  It was the laboured breathing and the bubbles of blood that were coming from his mouth and nose that were the real concern; it was clear that one of his lungs had been punctured, but not by a wound that he had taken on the front.
“On the count of three we’ll roll him over” he said to Grumpy and Alyse. “One. Two. Three.”
As gently as they could the rolled the Warrior Wizard onto his front, once again eliciting an agonising grown from him.
Alyse gasped in horror at site of Shynes back.  The club had obviously crushed most of the ribs on his right side; that much was obvious due to the large gaping wound that was plainly visible for all of them to see.  Slobba gently pulled back a flap of skin that had been torn open and was weeping blood.  Beneath it he could see broken shards of bone, torn muscle and damaged internal organs.
"What is that?" asked Grumpy as he pointed to a bean shaped dark red internal organ in the small of Shynes back to the right of his spine.
"That" said Elvis in a matter of fact tone as he peered over the Dwarfs shoulder "is a kidney."
"What does it do?" asked Grumpy.
"Well" said Elvis "they have a number of different functions."
"They?" asked Grumpy in a puzzled tone.
"Yes they.  There are two of them.  Their main purpose is to separate urea, mineral salts, toxins and other waste products from the blood.  They also conserve water and salts."
"What in the 9 Hells is urea?" asked the Dwarf.
"Piss" replied the Bard "and not the type you drink.  Well not the type we Humans drink anyway."
"How do you know all that?" Alyse asked.
"I'm a Bard" said Elvis "I know lots of things."
"Enough of the small talk" said Slobba sharply "I've got one healing spell left until I rest and pray to Mighty Thor."
"Will that be enough to save him" asked Llona in a frightened voice.
"I don't know.  If it is Thor's will then he shall survive" came the sombre reply as Slobba knelt then began to cast his last healing spell of the day.  
No matter how many times he had seen a Cleric heal the injured; Elvis was still amazed at the site.  No sooner had Slobba finished casting his spell than the flow of blood ceased and the bones began to knit back together.  Not fully of course because the damage was too great, but the healing process had obviously been accelerated.  
"What now?" asked Llona in a worried tone.
"We wait" said Slobba with more than a hint of exhaustion in his voice.  He then laid down on the floor with his head resting on his backpack.  Within seconds he was snoring softly.
"I'll take first watch" said the Dwarf "the rest of you should try and get some sleep."
“Does anyone have any spare water?” asked Elvis “I want to get this smell off me.”
“Now that” said Alyse as she wrinkled her nose “is the best idea you’ve ever had.”
“You can have some of mine” said Llona as she handed her water skin to Elvis, who had already taken off his tunic and was now standing before them with the torch light gleaming off the rock hard abs on his perfectly man scaped torso.

“Thank you.  I’m sorry about Nancy” Elvis said to Alyse as he poured some water onto a cloth and began to slowly rub the grime off his arms.
“She was a fine companion and I shall miss her greatly” replied Alyse without a hint of emotion.
‘I won’t’ Reggie said to himself as he sat on top of one of the nearby statues ‘the b*tch deserved it.  There’s only room in this party for one familiar and that’s me.  Unless the Elf dies of course then I’m free!’

“Gimp?  Are you there?” asked Alyse.

“Yes Mistress” said Reggie as he popped into view atop the statue.

“Do you know why Nancy attacked the Ogres?” she asked.

‘Think quick Reggie old son’ he thought to himself as he flew down and hovered before the Human Ranger.

“Yes I do Mistress.  Nancy was the smartest wolf that I have ever known; she saw that the Ogres were about to kill Master Mikokubich so she rushed to save him” he said with a wobbling lip and tears in his eyes “It was the bravest thing I ever saw.  I just wish that I could have saved her!” he said with a sob “Oh Nancy! This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you! Waahhhhhh”

“There’s no need to blame yourself Gimp, it wasn’t your fault.  You couldn’t have saved her even if you wanted to.”

“I....I guess you’re right Mistress” Reggie stammered in reply “I just hope that one day the pain will go away.”

“It will Gimp, it will” she said genuinely touched by his heartfelt words.  “Don’t worry, I’ll find another companion soon enough”

‘FUCKING WHAT!!’ he shouted to himself.

“What are we going to do with Nancy’s body?” asked Elvis as he began to shampoo his hair.

“We could eat it” suggested Grumpy hopefully.
“We are NOT going to eat Nancy!” stormed Alyse.
“Well how about me make a throw rug out of her then?”
“If you open your mouth one more time I’m going to shoot an arrow into it” Alyse snarled.
“Steady on girl, no need to get all uppity” replied the Dwarf in a soothing tone.
“We’re just going to have to leave her here I’m afraid” said Elvis.

“Hey Elvis, how did you know all that stuff about the kidney?” said Grumpy quickly changing the subject.
“A few years ago I had an affair with a Necromancer” replied Elvis as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair then wrapped a towel around his head.
“What’s a Necromancer?”
“It’s a Wizard that specialises in death magic.  They create undead such as zombies to act as their minions.  Sometimes I’d sit and watch as she dissected corpses to see how they worked.  It was quite fascinating really.  Come to think of it I’d say that a Necromancer probably created the zombie Ogres that we just fought.”
“By the holy Earth Mother how did you get involved with a Necromancer?” asked Alyse incredulously.
“I met her after a performance I did in a small village up in the Duchy of the Northlands.  She had a tower on the border of the Undead lands in the Northmarch and she’d come into the village to buy supplies” said Elvis as he put the finishing touches to the facial mask that he’d been applying.  ”We had a drink after the show and one thing lead to another and I ended up living with her for about three months.  In hindsight I think she only really wanted me for my body” he said with a thoughtful expression on his cream covered face.
“So what happened after that?” asked Alyse.
“I left her” the Bard replied as he laid down on his bedroll and placed two slices of cucumber on his eyes.
“Why?”
“She was a dead root”.

Authors Note: A special thank you to http://www.mamashealth.com/ for the info on kidneys. 

Chapter XIV - I Don't Remember Eating That

Shyne sent two bolts of energy streaking into the Ogre that had just finished off Nancy, then drew his greatsword and charged at the putrid creatures.  He arrived just in time to parry the blow from a club that would surely have killed Slobba.  Shyne launched a vicious counter attack that slammed into the ribs of the monster in front of him, before he dropped to one knee to avoid the swinging club of the second.  Behind him he heard Slobba trying to regain his footing, but he knew that he was in no condition to fight.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Elvis draw his rapier and move towards a flanking position.  Shyne knew that the Bards weapon would be all but useless against the undead but he appreciated the assistance.  Once again he managed to parry one of the clubs but, as the second club caught him a painful glancing blow on the left shoulder, he knew that this was a battle that he could not win alone.

"GIMP!" he roared "I need you!" 

Shyne didn't see where the Imp came from. One second it wasn't there, then the next it was tearing chunks of flesh off the undead Ogre to his right.

'I might actually survive this' he thought to himself calmly as he launched another over handed assault with this sword.  As it bit into the decaying flesh of the monster he saw the tip of Elvis' rapier emerge from its chest. 

'Yes, I might just make it.'

Elvis knew that he would struggle to harm the undead with his rapier, he needed a crushing weapon and he didn't have one.  All he really wanted to do was to distract them until the others arrived to help.  He risked a quick glance over his shoulder and saw that Grumpy, Alyse and Llona were still engaged with their last opponent.  He turned his attention back to battle in front of him and winced as he saw Shyne stagger from yet another body blow.  Elvis doubted that Shyne could take much more punishment and, thinking quickly, he threw himself into the back of the knees of the Ogre standing before him.  The Ogre managed to remain upright briefly, before it lost its balance and fell backwards on top of Elvis, covering him in a mountain of rancid rotting flesh.

Amazed at what he had just witnessed, Shyne stood and stared at the creature laying on the ground before him.  He didn't know if Elvis was still alive but he did know that if he didn't finish it off quickly he wouldn't be, so he hoisted his greatsword and brought it down repeatedly across its torso until it stopped moving.

Shyne never saw the second Ogre as it swung its monstrous club at his unprotected back; the first he knew of it was when it slammed into him and broke the Gods only knew how many ribs.  Oddly, the last thing he thought he heard before the darkness claimed him was someone say:

"YES!"

With a workman like efficiency Grumpy continued to chop into the Ogre until it finally fell at his feet.  As the Dwarf turned towards Alyse he heard Llona scream in what could only be described as a mixture of shock and fury, and he quickly brought his head around in time to see Shyne collapse to the floor.  Bellowing in rage, he raced across the room and hurtled himself at the Ogre, smashing his axe into its right leg, almost severing it at the knee.  Not an instant later Llona thrust the short sword she carried in her right hand into its lower back, while Alyse hacked at its torso with her longsword.  Nothing living nor dead could stand up to such a relentless assault, and the Ogre soon fell to their fury.

Llona threw her weapons to the ground, rushed to Shynes side and felt around his neck for a pulse which, although feint and erratic, was there.  She then began to frantically bandage his wounds, concentrating firstly on the most serious, before moving to those that were less so.  While Llona was tending to Shyne, Alyse was trying to rouse the unconscious Slobba.  To her relief he was clearly not in danger of dying; his breathing was strong and there were no serious visible wounds, however his colour had a sickly pale hue which was evidence of a head wound.  Alyse pulled her backpack off her shoulders, opened it, and then began to rummage through it to find the only healing potion in her possession.  After a few seconds she gave a cry of joy as she found what she was looking for.  As she went to pull the stopper from the top of the potion bottle Llona lunged at her and tried to rip it from her grasp.

“Give to me!” she yelled in a hysterical voice “we must save him!”

“Foolish woman” snorted Alyse as she snatched the bottle to her breast and out of Llona’s reach.  “If we use the potion to heal Slobba he’ll be able to summon the healing powers of his God to save Shyne.”

“Yes! Yes of course!” Llona said excitedly “Quickly now, I fear that Shyne is only just hanging on to life!” she finished urgently.

Alyse pulled the cork from the bottle then gently raised Slobba’s head with her left hand before she slowly poured its contents into his mouth.  At first it did not appear to have any effect, however his colour quickly began to improve and his eyelids suddenly flickered open. 

“That was disgusting” he whispered in a croaky voice.

“Oh don’t be such a baby” Alyse said sternly “it doesn’t taste that bad.”

“I’m not talking about the potion” Slobba replied in an unsteady voice.

“Then what are you talking about?” she asked as for the first time she noticed Elvis covered in rotting flesh standing behind Llona.

‘By the Earth Mother that man stinks’ she thought to herself before covering her nose to protect it from the stench. ‘However can he stand it?’

“It was during the battle” began Slobba “I was lying on the ground and couldn’t move; I thought I was going to die, and then Shyne appeared.  He stood over my body and protected me from the undead.  It was horrible!” he finished with a moan.

“Horrible?” said Llona incredulously as tears ran down her face “how could that be horrible, he saved your life!”

“He doesn’t wear underwear”

Elvis threw up on the ground.

Authors Note: Apologies that this has taken so long and that it is such a small post.  I promise that the next one will be bigger. 

Chapter XIII - There's No I(mp) In Team

Reggie hovered above the staircase and revelled in the smell that was emanating from down below. ‘Reminds me of home’ he thought to himself with a twinge of sadness as he watched first Grumpy, then Slobba begin their descent.  Alyse paused at the top of the staircase before taking a deep breath then plunging downward, closely followed by her wolf Nancy.  

‘I hate that wolf, its bloody useless’ thought Reggie.  ‘Does it ever scout ahead? No.  Can it pick up a rope? No.  Can it gather wood to build a fire?  No.  Can it talk?  No.  It’s not even toilet trained!’ He fumed ‘This group isn’t big enough for the both of us.’   He said to himself ominously as he followed Shyne down the stairs.

Grumpy waited for his eyes to fully adjust to the gloom before he moved off the bottom step and into the room beyond.  Even in the darkness he could see nearly 60 feet and it was obvious that the room extended beyond that distance.  The room itself was around 40 feet in width, the same distance as the tower above him, but there was one difference;  every 10 feet or so on each wall there was an alcove containing what appeared to be a marble statue.  
Grumpy turned to Slobba and motioned for him to move to the left while he, in turn, went to the right.  At that moment Elvis started his descent and light began to creep down the staircase with him.  With his dark vision now useless, Grumpy moved to the statue that was closest to him and began to examine it. That statue was of a human male that was obviously a practitioner of arcane magic.  He was dressed in long flowing robes and was holding a staff in his left hand and an open book in his right.  His stone facial features were relatively non-descript, although his brow was furrowed in a look of thoughtfulness or perhaps anger?  Understanding that he’d never know what the Wizard was thinking as he had posed for the artist that carved the statue, Grumpy dismissed it from his thoughts and continued his search.  At the base of the statue he discovered a metal plate with an unknown script stamped into it.
‘Most probably his name’ the Dwarf thought to himself before moving on towards the next statue.  This one was again clearly a Wizard, but unlike the first statue it was an Elven female that stood before him.  Like her comrade she was clad in flowing robes but held a wand in one hand and a stone ball in the other.  Her long hair flowed down her back and a circlet sat upon her brow.  A name plate was affixed to the base of the statue with the same unknown script.
“Shyne!” Grumpy whispered over his shoulder “Can you see if you can read this?”
“Coming” Shyne said in a low voice as he made his way over to the Dwarf.
“It’s too dark; I can’t make out the symbols.  Elvis bring the light over here” said Shyne.
Just as Elvis began to walk over to Shyne and Grumpy, Nancy let out a yelp of pain and began to snap at the air around her.
“Keep that flea bitten mongrel quiet!” Llona hissed to Alyse.
“Nancy, heel” said Alyse before she crouched down to sooth the troubled wolf.
“Stupid bloody thing” Elvis heard Llona mutter under her breath.
‘Yep, definitely a bit of PM Tension there’ the Bard thought to himself.
“Here’s the light” he said to Shyne “at least the smell is starting to dissipate.”
“Yes thank the Gods” replied the Warrior Wizard “I think that there is a breeze coming from the other end of the room and it’s helping with the ventilation.”
“Enough of the chit chat” said Grumpy impatiently, “What do the words say?”
“Lienyal Stargazer The Seer, Ministry of Winds Year 1 to Year 53” said Shyne.
“Well we know that this tower was built over 300 years ago, which was around 50 years before Van Drewmans Port was settled” said Elvis.  “She was obviously one of the original members of the Ministry of Winds.”
Shyne moved to the first statue that Grumpy had searched and read the name plate at its base.
“Joneil The Watcher, Ministry of Winds Year 1 to Year 29” he read aloud. “Obviously another founder of the Ministry” he said.

Slobba joined them from the other side of the room.

"The statues are of people that have been members of the Ministry of Winds" he said.

"Yes we just figured that out ourselves" replied Shyne.

"Let’s see how big this room is shall we.  Llona scout up ahead and see what you can find, we'll follow behind you” said Elvis as he covered his sun rod until only a dim light could be seen.

"Gladly" said Llona darkly before she moved stealthily out of range of the light.

As she disappeared into the darkness Grumpy took up position on the right side of the room while Slobba stood 10 feet to his left.  Alyse stood with Nancy about 10 feet behind Slobba while Shyne stood the same distance behind Grumpy.  Elvis, as was his want, brought up the rear.

"Let’s move out" said Slobba before he started to creep forward as quietly as his armour would allow him to.

In the distance Llona grimaced as she heard the party start walking after her. 

'They sound like a heard of mammoths' she thought to herself. 

The room continued to stretch out before her for another 60 feet, with alcoves containing statues every 10.  As she continued to hug the left wall she thought she saw movement up ahead so she froze in place.  After a few seconds she shook her head and once again began to creep forward.  As she neared the end of the room she could make out the silhouette of a set of double doors set into the wall.

She smelt the attack before she saw it; a repulsive odour hit her senses and caused her stomach to recoil in protest just as large creature shambled out of one of the alcoves and swung a club at her head.  It was instinct that saved her as the sword in her left hand flashed up and caught the club, deflecting it from hitting her head and onto her shoulder instead.  She shrieked in agony as she was driven to the ground by the force of the blow.  Once again instinct kicked in and she used the momentum of her fall to roll across the floor and out of harm’s way. 

Hearing Llona’s screams Grumpy and Slobba led the charge down the hall towards the sound of the battle.

Elvis removed the cover from the sun rod and bright light enveloped the group as they ran.  The sight that greeted them was one that they would not soon forget.  Llona was surrounded by 4 large Ogres that, judging by the smell and the state of decay, were quite obviously zombies. 

Grumpy bellowed a war cry and attacked the zombie that was closest to him, his axe hacking off a large chunk of rotting flesh.

“Nancy stay!” shouted Alyse as she drew her longsword and ran to Llona’s aid.

Shyne spoke a few words of arcane power and two magical beads of energy flew from his fingers and struck the ogre that was attempting to dash Llona’s brains out with its club.

Slobba grabbed the Holy Hammer that hung around his neck and strode forth, confident that the power of his God would once again destroy these undead as it had done the last.

“BY MIGHTY THOR I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE THIS PLACE” He shouted in a commanding voice.  The hot bright light of his God burst from the Holy Hammer in his hand and enveloped the undead ogres before him but, to his horror, it did not affect them.  This was evil that he was not yet powerful enough to vanquish.  Realising that it would be strength of arms that would win this day, Slobba reached for the battle hammer that hung from his belt and, bellowing a war cry, charged at the largest ogre in the group.

Elvis knew that they were in trouble; Slobba had failed to destroy any of the undead, Llona was wounded as well as looking rattled and the bladed weapons of Grumpy and Alyse were having minimal affect on their foe.

‘Llona is the key’ he thought to himself ‘she has a rage within her that needs to be channelled.  I need a song that will bring out the beast within her and will also inspire the others; and I have just the song’ he said to himself with a smile as he began to sing.

Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi

See Llona ride out of the sunset

Holding her, ex boyfriends spleen

Out for all that she can kill

Cos she’s rough and mean

Dead men to the left of her

Dead men to the right

She’ll use a club

She’ll use a knife

Yep she’ll start a fight

She’s got PMT

She’s dynamite

PMT

She’ll start, then win the fight!

PMT

She’s a power load

PMT

WATCH HER EXPLODE!

As if on cue Llona buried both of her blades into the torso of one of the ogres as it raised its club to attack her.

Grumpy, who by the end of the song had managed to battle his way to her side, grunted in pain as another one of the ogres smashed him in the side with a large club studded with nails, causing blood to flow freely from the wound and down his left leg.  With a cry of rage he brought his great axe crashing into the leg of his assailant, hacking it off at the knee and causing the monster to fall to the ground.  Alyse seized on the opportunity and brought her longsword down upon its head, splitting it in two down to the chin.  Not even the evil magic that had animated it could prevent its destruction from such injuries and the creature stopped moving.

Somehow Slobba found himself facing two of the creatures.  He managed to dodge to his left as one of them attempted to hit him with the club that it carried in its decaying hands.  As the club whistled harmlessly past him he darted forward and delivered a crushing blow to its midriff.  Slobba quickly turned to try to parry the attack of the second ogre, but was a split second too late and was sent careening across the room.

Seemingly forgotten as the fight raged in front of him, Reggie casually strolled over to where Nancy was sitting and growling at the battle.

‘Now that is what I call a well trained wolf’ Reggie thought to himself as he reached into the magic bag that he had hanging from his belt and withdrew one of the sticks that he had gathered in back in the glade.

No one noticed when he became visible right next to the wolf; they were all locked in mortal combat with the ogres.

Nancy noticed.  It was only her training that kept her from attacking the hated creature that had been tormenting her since she had arrived with her master. 

Reggie waved the stick under the wolf’s nose, before he turned to where the two ogres were bearing down on a stunned Slobba.  As he drew his arm back then threw the stick towards them he said in a perfect imitation of Alyse’s voice.

“Nancy.  FETCH!”

The wolf instantly leapt to its feet and ran after the stick, which had landed between the recovering Slobba and the two lurching ogres.  The first of the ogres brought its club down onto the wolf with a sickening crunch.  Nancy had time to let out one howl of pain before the second club ended her misery.

‘Yes’ Reggie snickered evilly to himself ‘that was one well trained wolf.’

Authors Note 1: For those that don't know, PMT is another way of saying PMS, where the T stands for Tension.

Authors Note 2: Apologies to the great ACDC for destroying their all time classic TNT. 

Chapter XII - When You're A Bard, It Takes Three To Tango

"What happened to my backpack with the rope tied to it?" asked Alyse after she'd entered the room.
"I do not know, one second it was here and the next it was gone" said Reggie as he popped into view just above the hole in the floor.
“Perhaps the weight of the rope pulled the backpack through the hole” suggested Llona as she began to gather up the equipment she’d discarded.
“Probably” agreed Alyse “Gimp can you fly down and bring the rope back up for me please?”

‘Please? None of these buffoons has ever said please to me before’ Reggie thought.

“Of course I can Miss, I shall return immediately" said the Imp before he dove through the hole in the floor.
“Grumpy, go and get the table and drag it over to the door” said Shyne “we’ll tie the rope to it so that no one has to stay up here and hold it.  Once we’re down I’ll get Gimp to untie the rope and drop it through the hole”.
“Good idea” said Grumpy before he disappeared through the door to get the table.
A few seconds later Gimp flew through the hole with one end of the rope in his hands which he gave to Alyse.

“Your backpack is indeed on the floor below miss” he said before opening his mouth in an horrendous smile revealing two rows of sharpened teeth pointing in different directions.
“Thank you Gimp” replied Alyse as she walked over to the door that the table was now wedged against.  She passed the rope through to Grumpy and he looped it back under the table so that she could tie a knot in it.  
“All done” said Alyse after she gave the knot one last tug to ensure that it was secured correctly.
“I’ll go first” volunteered Llona before she grabbed the rope and lithely began to make the descent.
“NEXT!” she shouted after she had reached the bottom.
“I’ll go” said Grumpy as he moved over to the hole.  Before he grabbed the rope he spat into his hands, rubbed the palms together, then he picked up the rope and began to steadily lower himself downwards.  

A few minutes later all of the group had re-assembled on the ground floor of the tower and were discussing what had happened with Elvis and Slobba.
“Do you have any healing spells left Slobba?” asked Llona as she massaged her wounded side.
“Yes three” replied the Cleric.
“Only three?” said Shyne in a surprised tone.
“Yes” Slobba replied “just the three”.
“Well can you cast one on my wound?” asked Llona.
“Of course I can” said Slobba as he moved over to her and began to cast a healing spell.
After the spell had taken affect and the wound in her side had closed over, Llona leaned close to Slobba and said.
“What happened to your nose?  I could have sworn that it used to point to the right.”
“You must be mistaken” replied Slobba with a smile.
“Yes” said Llona warily “I must be.”
“How are we going to get out?” asked Grumpy.
“Llona go and see if you can open the door while the rest of us look for another way out of here” said Elvis before he moved over to one of the walls and began searching it for a concealed door.
As her friends started their search Llona strode over to the door and began to examine its locking mechanism.  After a few frustrated minutes of searching for a way to open it she shrugged her shoulders and conceded defeat.  
Just as she was about to turn away from the door she felt a presence behind her and she turned to see who it was.  Standing a few feet away was Elvis, resplendent in his white sequined jump suit and with a winning smile splayed across his face.
“After we get out of here you and I are going to have a meal at the most expensive Tavern in the city, then I’m going to introduce you to little Elvis” he said in his smooth velvety voice.
“I beg your pardon?” said Llona with a puzzled look on her face.
“I said you and I are going to get together and make a hunka hunka burnin’ love” replied Elvis as he gyrated his hips.
“You must be joking” snorted Llona in disgust.
“Joking?  Hardly” he said before he took a step closer and whispered.
“I never joke when it comes to women”.
“You ARE a joke when it comes to women” snapped Llona.  “I cannot deny that you are not handsome, even for a human, but you certainly are not what I am attracted to now or ever will be in the future.  My interests lay in another direction” she concluded with a nod towards Shyne who was talking with Grumpy and Alyse by the north wall.
Elvis blinked in surprise while his mouth formed words without making a sound.  After a few failed attempts to find his voice he finally spoke.
“You’re attracted to the Dwarf?” he said in a shocked tone “Not even Dwarves are attracted to Dwarves!  The only way they are able to procreate is to get too drunk to know who, or what, they’re doing it with” said Elvis in disgust.  “What would you call the offspring that you would produce, a Dwelf?  My stomach churns at the thought of it.”
“Not the Dwarf you idiot!” said Llona in an exasperated tone.
“Thank the Living God” said Elvis in relief. “Oh I get it, you’re attracted to Alyse.  Can’t say that I blame you really, she was next on my list if you knocked me back.  Come to think of it, maybe the three of us could....”
“Oh by Chanel the Goddess of Perfume would you shut up!” Llona whispered urgently “I am NOT attracted to Alyse!”
Elvis gave her a blank look before realisation slowly dawned on him.
“Shyne?!”  Said Elvis incredulously. “You can’t be serious!  Are you sure that he even likes women?!”

Elvis never saw Llona draw the knife; the first he knew it was there was when he felt it pierce the skin of his throat just above his Adams apple.
“Hold your tongue” hissed Llona as a trickle of blood began to run down Elvis' throat and onto his jump suit. 

“Now this is how things are going to play out" she said menacingly.  "We are going to go back to the others and pretend that this conversation never took place, understand?  No don’t nod, this knife is very sharp.  Just blink once if you agree.”
Elvis blinked.
“Good. Now clean yourself up” said Llona as she put the knife away before pushing past the speechless Bard and walking back towards the centre of the room.
‘Must be the wrong time of the month’ Elvis said to himself before turning to follow her.

As Llona strode away from the Bard she heard Slobba call out “I’ve found something!” from the middle of the room and she hurried over to see what he had discovered.
Slobba was on his knees brushing dirt away from a section of the floor until the outline of a trap door could clearly be seen.
"Look out" she said as she knelt beside Slobba and began to examine the door for traps.  After a quick search she gave the all clear and stepped back to allow Grumpy to pull it open by the handle that was at the base of the door.  All around her friends drew their weapons to cover Grumpy in case something attacked him when he opened the trap door.  The Dwarf grasped the handle, gritted his teeth then squatted on the ground before bolting upright in one fluid motion to wrench the door open.  A gust of putrid stale air billowed out of the hole and engulfed all those standing around it, causing them to cough uncontrollably from the dust and the stench.
"What in the name of the sacred Earth Mother could make such a smell?" asked Alyse as she struggled to regain her composure.
"I've smelled worse" said Grumpy in a matter of fact tone.
"Your mothers cooking perhaps?" quipped Elvis as he wiped the tears from his eyes that were caused by the rancid odour.
Grumpy ignored the Bard and peered into the darkness below.  Like all Dwarves he had the natural ability to see in the dark and he saw that the 5 foot wide stairway lead approximately 20 feet downwards to the room below. 
"Let's see what's causing this smell shall we?" he said as he hefted his axe and began to descend the stairs.

Authors Note: One of my readers suggested that I change Reggies font so that it easier to differentiate him from the other characters when he was speaking, which I have subsequently done.  

Chapter XI - The Face of Evil

"What was that?" asked Alyse softly in a nervous voice when she heard the door slam shut.

"I'd say that we're locked in" replied Llona quietly as she drew her two short swords and moved over to stand to the right of the open doorway.

"Right, let’s check what's in the next room" Shyne whispered.  

"Aren't we going to wait for the others to climb up first?" asked Grumpy in a low voice.

"No, the four of us will be able to handle whatever is through the door" said Shyne confidently.  "Gimp, how many creatures are in the room?"

"Just the one master" said Reggie in a patient tone from where he was hovering invisibly just above the door 'and I hope it rips your head off'

"Does it know that we're here?"

"I do not think so Master".

Just as Reggie finished talking a bright light filled the room beyond the doorway and all of them froze in place.

Shyne, unsure whether they had been seen, edged slowly towards the left hand side of the door.  After he had taken up position he motioned for the others to remain in place then he slowly peered into the room.  

A strange creature with ruby-red scales, a mandibled head, and four arms was sitting in an elevated chair behind a desk in the centre of the room, writing on a piece of parchment.  It was wearing a loose yellow cloak and there was a short sword leaning against each of the arms of the chair.  

Hundreds, if not thousands of sheets of parchment were scattered about the floor around the creature.  The truly amazing thing was that the walls in the room were somehow transparent, and Shyne could see the city sprawl around the obelisk.

The creature stopped writing, waved its two clawed right hands at Shyne and made a menacing clicking sound with its mouth.  Shyne quickly snatched his head back from the door.  

"What is it?" asked Llona.

"There is a creature in the room the like of which I have neither seen nor heard of before" replied Shyne as he drew his great sword from its sheath.  "It is very clearly evil so we must kill it as quickly as possible"

"How do you know that it's evil?" asked Alyse.

"Oh come on" said Shyne sharply, "it's got four arms and a head like a praying mantis, of course it's evil!"

"Looks are hardly evidence that something is evil!" Alyse objected.  "Just look at Grumpy, he's like a cross between a goblin and a mangy dog but he's most certainly not evil."

"Watch your tongue girl" said Grumpy indignantly.

"I'm telling you that thing is evil and I'm going in there to kill it.  Who's with me?" said Shyne.

"Count me in" said Llona with a grin.

"And me lad, even though you're a filthy no good Elf I believe you" said Grumpy as he took his axe off his shoulder and had a few practice swings with it.

"Ok then" sighed Alyse as she took her bow from her shoulder and knocked an arrow to the string. "I'll also join this stupidity but I'm not happy about it."

"Just make sure that you don't shoot me by mistake" said Grumpy.

"If I shoot you it won't be by mistake" Alyse snapped back.

"Ok here's the plan" said Shyne "On the count of three Alyse will shoot an arrow at it then we'll all charge into the room and attack."

"That's a brilliant plan" said Alyse sarcastically "did you think of it all by yourself?"

Shyne ignored the Ranger and motioned for the group to remove all of their excess equipment then move into position; Alyse and Grumpy to the right of the door and he and Llona to the left.

"Gimp, stay here and guard our rear" he said.

"Yes Master" replied the Imp from above the door frame 'I shall wear your nipples as earrings when you are dead' he chuckled to himself.

“One” began Shyne “two, THREE!” he shouted.

Alyse stepped into the doorway, raised her bow and fired her arrow at the creature sitting behind the desk.  The arrow flew unerringly across the room and slammed into its right shoulder, sending it sprawling backwards over the chair and onto the floor.  No sooner had the arrow left the bow than Grumpy was through the door bellowing at the top of his voice and running to the right side of the table, with Llona and Shyne a few steps behind and running towards the left.  Alyse cast aside her bow and drew her sword as she ran to follow the dwarf.  The creature, having quickly regained its senses, rolled across the floor and scooped up its swords before rising to its feet in a defensive stance.  It just had time to screech some something out in its native tongue before Grumpy launched a vicious swing at it with his great axe.  The monster danced nimbly to its left and parried the axe, before swivelling on the ball of its right foot and launching an attack that caught Shyne a glancing blow to the forearm, drawing a thin line of blood.  Screaming in rage Shyne swung his great sword at the creature but once again it deflected the blow.  

As the monster was distracted by Grumpy and Shyne, Llona seized the opportunity to strike and thrust a short sword into its red scaled hide.  The creature screamed in agony, whirled around and rained a series of blows onto its new foe.  Llona did everything she could to defend herself but it wasn’t enough, one sword inevitably snuck past her defences and plunged into her side.  Gasping in pain she backed away from the savage monster until her back was against the wall.  

“KILL IT! KILL IT!” screamed Shyne as he swung his great sword in a murderous arc, catching the monster in the right thigh and opening the flesh to the bone.

“BASH IT’S BLOODY HEAD IN!” roared Grumpy as he swung his axe in unison with Shyne and nearly severed one of its right arms causing it to drop a sword.

Screaming in agony the beast swung its remaining weapon at Grumpy, the blow crashing against his helmet and sending him reeling into the desk and leaving him dazed on the floor.  

Alyse’s eyes widened in shock as she saw her friend collapse against the desk and onto the ground.  Gritting her teeth in rage she leapt at the insectoid creature and drove her blade deep into its back.  A split second later Llona plunged both of her short swords into its stomach and wrenched them clear with a snarl.  They both watched as it slowly sank to its knees in front of them, then, with a primal scream Shyne leapt into the air and brought his great sword down onto its head, showering them all in a putrid grey matter as it exploded under the force of the blow.  

Still panting from the brief battle, Alyse ran to Grumpy's side and was relieved to see that he was slowly coming to his senses.

“That” said Llona through ragged breaths as she fought to stem the bleeding from her wounded side, “was one tough bug”.

Elvis was on the ground floor watching Slobba trying to open the door when he heard Nancy start to growl.  He turned around and saw the wolf sitting on her haunches about 10 feet from the end of the rope and staring up into the hole that lead to the level above.  Elvis walked over to the wolf, sat down beside her and began stroking her coarse dark fur.

“What’s wrong girl?” he asked in a soothing tone.

Nancy ignored him and continued to growl at the ceiling.

“What’s that Nancy?” Elvis asked “Alyse is stuck in the roof?  And she needs our help?”

No sooner had the words left his mouth than he heard the unmistakable sound of Grumpy’s Dwarven battle cry, followed by what could only have been shouts made by Alyse and Shyne.

Slobba immediately stood up and sprinted towards where the rope was dangling from the hole.

‘He’s not’ thought Elvis to himself as he watched Slobba gather speed.

‘By The Living God he bloody well is!  He said to himself as he dove out of Slobba’s path.

‘I hope someone is still holding onto the rope’ thought Slobba to himself a split second before he leapt into the air with his arms outstretched.

There wasn’t.

An instant after his hands gripped the knotted rope Slobba knew that no one was holding the other end.  As if in slow motion his body, clad in nearly 60 pounds of plate armour, crashed into the stone wall that was only 5 feet from the dangling rope.  A second after that he collapsed to the floor and lay motionless as the rope began to coil about him as it fell from the hole in the ceiling.  Slobba groaned in pain as he opened his eyes just in time to see a large backpack fill his vision before it slammed into his face and broke his nose with a sicking crunch

‘I really need to start wearing my helmet’ he thought to himself before passing out.

Slobba didn't know how long he'd been unconscious for.  It could have been seconds, it could have been hours.  The one thing he did know was that his face hurt.  A lot.  As he rolled over and struggled to his knees a wave of nausea gripped him and he vomited onto the floor.  He grimaced as he tasted the blood from his broken nose creep back down his throat so he did his best to spit it out.  After a few attempts he managed to get most of the blood out of his mouth and he took a second to wipe away the tears from his eyes. 

To his right he saw Elvis convulsing on the floor next to Nancy the wolf.  Concerned for the welfare of his friend he used the wall to pull himself upright and staggered over to where Elvis writhed on the floor.

"Elvush" he said through swollen lips "are you ok?"

Elvis' reply was muffled as he appeared unable to breathe.

"Elvush! Have you 'een 'oisoned?" said Slobba before he rolled Elvis onto his back to see if he was injured.

Elvis' face was nearly purple in colour and tears were rolling down his cheeks and he continued to convulse for a few seconds more before he was finally able to speak.

"That........was the.......funniest......thing.....I have.....ever.....seen!" he managed to say before he burst into fits of laughter.

Slobba looked down at his friend as he rolled around the floor and briefly considered kicking him.  Suddenly the right side of his mouth lifted in a smirk and before too long, even though it caused him even more pain, he too was laughing loudly.

Oblivious to what had happened on the ground floor Shyne was putting the finishing touches to the bandage that he had wrapped around the wound on Llonas torso.  The blow that Grumpy had taken to his head had done little more than stun the Dwarf and he was already back on his feet and along with Alyse, was searching the room.

"Make sure that bandage is nice and tight" said Llona.

Irritated that she would presume to tell him how to fix a field dressing, Shyne applied tightened the bandage more than was necessary, causing Llona to hiss through her teeth in pain.

"Enough idiot!" she said savagely.

"Just following your instructions" said Shyne in a neutral tone.

"I can see the entire city from here" said Grumpy from the chair that he had set back on its feet and was now sitting in.

"I've found the parchment that the creature was writing on when we first entered the room" said Alyse as she walked over to where Shyne and Llona were sitting.

"Can you read it?" she asked Shyne as she handed him the parchment.

"Bah! I don't have to read it" he said dismissively "it undoubtedly contains details of its evil deeds".

"It wouldn't hurt to have a look" said Llona as she loosened the bandage to give herself a little extra mobility "it might give us some clue as to what is going on in this tower".

"Yes I suppose you're right" said Shyne as he scanned the piece of parchment "unfortunately it's in a script that I am not familiar with so I'm going to have to cast a spell on it to allow me to do so."

"Get hurry on then" said Grumpy gruffly "we've left Elvis and Slobba down below and we need to get back to them".

Shyne nodded his head in agreement before walking across the room and setting the parchment on the table.  Before he commenced casting his spell he took the time to survey the city that surrounded the tower.  He did not know what magic had made the walls transparent from this side, but it was certainly impressive.  All around the tower the lights of the city shone brightly.  To the North West he could make out the light house that stood at the entrance to the harbour, while to the East he could see the lanterns that lined the main road that lead through the city. 

'Yes, this tower is a wonder to be sure' he thought to himself before he commenced muttering the words to the spell while his fingers traced an intricate pattern in the air above the table. 

As the spell began to take affect the words on the parchment began to merge into each other before they separated once again, this time in the Elvish language. 

Shyne waited for a few seconds for his eyes to refocus onto the familiar script of his people before he began to read from the top of the page.

AT last! After 300 years of being imprisoned in this gaol I am about to be set free!

'HA!  I was right, he was imprisoned for committing an evil act!' thought Shyne to himself smugly before continuing on.

Oh how I have longed for this day.  I cannot wait to hunt down the Wizards from the Ministry of Winds and bring them to justice for the evil that they have wrought over the centuries.

'What the fk?' thought Shyne as he glanced nervously about the room before resting his eyes back on the parchment.

For years I have watched them as they have ruthlessly murdered all those that opposed their plans to bring about the fall of all civilisations on this fair island.  Oh how they have taunted me with their tales of how they hunted down my family and tortured them to death.

'Uh oh' Shyne said to himself silently as the colour began to drain from his face.

Oh joy, an Elf just poked its head through the door!  It is strange how it reacted so oddly when I waved at it and shouted my greeting.  Surely things have not changed so much that they no longer recognise a Noble warrior of Heironeous, the God of Valour?  Ha! Of course not, he's probably gone to tell his friends about me.  Speaking of friends, the first thing that I'm going to do when I leave here is look up my old friend Maheeds OhnFyre the Azer Warrior.  Together we shall hunt down the wicked Wizards and smite them with the iron fists of justice. 

I think I'll open an orphanage too.  Oh, I think they're coming back!

Shyne placed the parchment back onto the table and tried to gather his thoughts.  Before he had the chance to say anything Llona began to speak.

"I don't know what is on that parchment but it must be despicable, you're as white as a ghost" she said with a note of concern in her voice.

Shynes mind raced with a maelstrom of thoughts.  He'd just had a hand in killing a holy warrior of Heironeous, sometimes known as the God of Justice. 

'But it looked EVIL' he screamed inwardly.

"Out with it pointy ears, what evil was this creature planning?" asked Grumpy.

Grumpy's words broke through the chaos of thoughts and snapped him back to attention. 

"Err evil" he said haltingly "yes it was...ummm....plotting to errrr....destroy the city.....that's it...and it was also going to ahhhh.....rain unholy vengeance upon all those that.......that...... like the colour beige." he concluded quickly.

"Beige?  Are you sure?" asked Alyse with more than a hint of doubt in her voice.

"Oh yes positive" Shyne said in a rush as he picked up the parchment and thrust it under Alyse's nose while pointing at some of the text on it.

"Right here, I'll read it to you" he coughed "AND LO SHALL I CAST UMMM CAST MY VENGENCE UPON ALL THOSE THAT WEAR BEIGE!  DEATH TO THE INFIDELS!!!" he shouted with a flourish.

"I don't know" said Alyse uncertainly.

"Oh look who's the bloody Wizard here huh?!" Shyne began to rant ”Who's the one that can cast spells and read languages?  Me, that's who and I just read it to you straight off the page, he was going to visit great evil upon the world and we stopped him before he could do it.  We're bloody heroes, that's what we are!  Now let’s get the hell off this level and get back to Elvis and Slobba!" he finished with a snarl.

Alyse quietly wiped the spit from her face before nodding her head and walking out of the room.  The rest of the group followed quietly behind her.

Authors Note:  The reference to "Maheeds OhnFyre the Azer Warrior" is an in joke for some of the people that read this blog.  A few years ago I was in another DnD group and we used a portal to call forth prisoners from their cells.  One of the creatures that appeared was a type of Dwarf, except that it had flames instead of hair.  One of the party members immediately assumed it was evil and killed it.  Turned out that it was actually a VERY good creature and he'd made a big mistake.  In his defence its head WAS on fire so it really was asking for it.

Authors Comment 1 - Cast

I recently did a bit of re-work on the Cast post to flesh out the characters a little bit.  If you haven't read that post I suggest that you do so.

I hope that you're enjoying this story.

Cheers

Prux

Chapter X – What Did She Say?

"Let's get some light up here" said Llona as she put her lock pick back into her belt pouch.

"I don't need light" said Grumpy as he stomped through the door and into the darkness.

"Well I do" said Elvis as he removed a sunrod from his back pack and struck lit it.  Light from the sunrod illuminated an area of around 30 feet radius in bright light, and a further 30 beyond that in shadowy illumination; more than enough for the group to see by.

"So much for keeping quiet" said Llona in disgust as she stepped through the door with Shyne a pace behind her.

"After you Slobba" said Elvis politely as he drew his rapier to defend himself against whatever lay beyond the door.

Slobba nodded his head in thanks and also entered the building, closely followed by Alyse who had an arrow knocked and ready to fire.

When Elvis entered the door he saw Grumpy standing in the middle of the room with his axe casually sitting on his shoulder.  Even to Elvis it was apparent that the room took up the entire ground floor of the tower.  There were no furnishings inside and there was a thick layer layer of dust covering the floor.  At the edge of the light he could just make out a 5' x 5' hole in the ceiling by what he figured was the north wall. 

"Shyne, why don't you send your Imp up to investigate the hole in the ceiling?" suggested Slobba to the Elven Warrior Wizard.

“Gimp, fly to the hole in the roof and see what is up there” Shyne said to Reggie.

“Go fk yourself pr*ck” muttered Reggie softly without thinking.

“What did you say?” asked Shyne

“I said ‘that muck looks thick’” replied the Imp quickly as he pointed to the heavy layer of dirt on the floor.

“Why yes, I guess it does, but what does that have to do with the ceiling?”  

“Nothing Master, just an observation” said Reggie contritely.

“Well stop wasting time and do what I told you and be quick about it!” ordered Shyne in a commanding voice.

“Yes Master” replied Reggie before he turned invisible and commenced his ascent towards the hole in the roof.

As Reggie flew very slowly towards the hole, he thought about the recent conversation that he’d had with his wife on the crystal ball while the group was resting in the unholy Glade.  

He’d been surprised when his good friend William Bartholomew Simpson-Jones had answered, but it was good to know that Willie was keeping an eye on things while he was away.  His wife, Constance Charlotte Wesley-Smyth, had seemed a little flushed in the face and short of breath when she had come to the ball; he hoped that she wasn’t coming down with something.  

After they’d finished the standard small talk about who had murdered whom in their neighbourhood, the conversation had turned to their children.  It appeared that there was a problem with their son Edward Charles Wesley-Smyth.  Apparently his teeth were too straight and he needed something called ‘Bray-surs’ to make them more frightening.  Reggie had been staggered when his wife had told him that it was going to cost 5,000gp for a Shaman to cast the spells required to install the ‘Bray-surs’.  Of course he’d offered to knock them out himself but Connie wouldn’t have a bar of it.  Ever since he’d thrown the boy from the top of Widows Peak bluff to teach him how to fly, she’d constantly questioned his parenting methods.  So what if the boy had nearly died, he’d recovered eventually hadn’t he?  Besides, if he hadn’t started flapping his wings before he hit the ground he would have died so technically he had learned to fly!  

The problem, as Reggie saw it, was Connie was too soft on the boy; in fact, she actually still tore the hearts out of his food for him!  Were they raising an Imp or a Pixie?  

Reggie didn’t know where he was going to get all of the gold from to pay for the spells.  He’d managed to pick up most of the coins that had landed on the stage as the tavern had burned down, but that was still a long way short of 5,000gp.  Connie had insisted that he demand a raise from the Elf but as he didn’t get paid anything at all that was a dead end.  No, he’d have to come up with a plan, a plan that got all of it at the one time.  

As he approached the hole in the ceiling he peered into the gloom below and picked out the figure of Shyne standing next to Llona.  With barely a conscious thought he squeezed his bowels and sent a missile hurtling downwards.  Just before it hit, Shyne took a step to his right to talk to Slobba and the projectile splattered harmlessly on the ground right on the spot he had been standing on a split second before.  

‘BLESS IT!’ Reggie cursed to himself before turning and flying up into the hole.

"What was that?" asked Shyne as he heard something hit the ground behind him. 

"Gimp probably knocked something off from the next level by accident" replied Llona.

"Maybe" said Shyne dubiously before he brought his hand up suddenly to motion his friends to silence.

"Gimp says that there is a hideous creature sitting at a desk upstairs" he whispered softly "he doesn't think that it has detected our presence"

"Then we have the element of surprise" said Alyse as she slung her bow over her shoulder "The walls look like the can be easily climbed, I'll lower a rope when I get to the top" she said as she made her way over to the wall. "After I've lowered it Shyne can climb up first as I'll be better able to support his weight."

"Don't you think that Llona should go lass" suggested Grumpy "she has more experience than you at climbing things, her being a rogue and all".

"Nonsense" scoffed Alyse "I'm a Ranger, I've been climbing things since I could walk"

"Suit yourself" said Llona in a miffed tone.

"Elvis make sure you keep the light steady" said Alyse as she moved over to the wall and began to climb.

The party watched nervously as Alyse slowly made her way up the rough hewn bricks that made up the walls construction.  Ten feet from the hole the brick under her right foot gave way.  For a second Elvis thought that she was going to fall to her death but she managed to grimly hang onto the wall until she could regain her footing and continue her ascent. 

By the time she reached the hole Alyse was gasping for breath.  After she climbed through the hole, Alyse quickly scanned the area.  She was in a small 10' x 10' room with an open door in the south wall.  Although there was a dim light coming from the room beyond the door she could not see anything in it.  After she had her breath back she wasted no time in tying the rope around her waist then lowering it to her friends waiting below.  After she felt the first tug on the rope she braced herself and waited for Shyne to commence his climb up to her.

A few seconds later she felt a tremendous strain on the rope as Shyne started to make his way up the rope.  To keep from falling into the hole she locked her knees and leaned backwards.  Much to Alyse's relief Shyne quickly made his way up the rope and was soon pulling himself through the hole.  After he had rested he wound his hand around the rope and gave it a tug.  Almost immediately the rope went tight and someone began to climb, and by the weight Shyne thought that it must be Grumpy.  Sure enough just over a minute later the Dwarf's head appeared as he clambered through the hole.

As Grumpy disappeared from view Llona grabbed the rope and began to climb.  As he had done for the others, Elvis held the end of the rope to steady it.

'By The Living God those pants are tight' he thought to himself.

"Slobba?" he whispered.

"Yes Elvis" replied Slobba from where he stood guard near the door that they had come through.

"Can you lip read?" asked Elvis.

"No, why do you ask?" replied Slobba without taking his eyes off the door.

"No reason" said Elvis as he continued to watch Llona make her way up the rope.

'I think she said mumble mumble mumble Frahrp' Elvis joked to himself. 

Suddenly the door to the outside world began to make a grinding noise as it began to close.  Slobba made a dash to try and hold it open but it shut before he got there. There was no visible way to open it again and Llona was up on the next level. 

Unless she could open it when she came back down they were trapped.

Authors Note: Climbing is also a skill that requires a die check.  As per the perform skill a 20 sided die is rolled and the characters skill points added to it.  While making her skill check Alyse rolled the exact number she required and therefore very nearly fell.